


Space Junk

by InfinityofNeonStars



Category: Original Work
Genre: Complete, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-07-27 13:59:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 5,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16220525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityofNeonStars/pseuds/InfinityofNeonStars
Summary: A bunch of sad poems that I've spent my life working on





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

**Dec 2, 2016**

I would rot my body in your front yard

Just so your favourite flowers would grow

Because you give me butterflies in my stomach

And when you're not around they turn to stone

They beat again my ribs begging to be let out

Maybe when I set them free

I'll leave my ribcage in your flowerbed

Because that's the quickest way to someone's heart

Sometimes it feels like I've strung my insides out across the bushes

Maybe I don't know my own colours well enough to decipher my blood

From the roses I've pricked my fingertips on just to give them to you    
I kinda always feel like I'm suffocating

Because you're breathtaking

This is the sweetest death I've ever been through,

If this is what loving you is like

I never want a breath of fresh air    
I don't really know where I'm going in life 

I've painted myself camouflage

So that maybe the world will stop looking for me to owe it something

Just please see through the shades of green I've proposed to everyone else

Sometimes I feel like a rainbow

Other days I feel like the storm before it    
Maybe I'm not 50 shades of grey,

Maybe I'm 49 1/2 but I'm trying my best

I hope that's enough for you    
I've got galaxies in my veins I've never cut open and exposed

But I would let universes inside of me implode before I ever lost you    
Sometimes I think maybe I'm not real

Because my fingerprints are sewn together so perfectly

But I'm not afraid of tearing myself apart at the seams if you ask me    
I could write nonstop for the rest of eternity about you, 

I would revive every dead language we've forgotten

And let it die on my tongue again and again

If you’d only promise to give me your attention long enough to twist these words into something prettier    
I know you'd never ask me to break apart just to fix yourself

And even if you did I'd happily die by your hand if it meant you smiled just one second longer


	2. No Day But Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

**** The stars are always brightest when it's cold    
Like somehow the temperature and the crisp way we see our breath with every exhale dictates how bright the stars are   
Or maybe how dark it is around them.   
I say, I've got a type    
And I'm not sure how but    
you've fit it perfectly    
And maybe that scares me    
And maybe I'm scared of commitment    
So maybe sometimes I ignore your texts on purpose    
Because it's kinda hard to deal with.   
I'll stop my quotations here because    
I've never quite gotten comfortable with the feeling of having no control over what the author writes   
Maybe it's too late for me    
Or us   
Or anyone   
Maybe the author of the moment has decided   
This is how my story ends; with you   
Because all stories end with happily ever after    
Life feels droll    
Like the stories gotten old    
And boring   
But you give it new life, like maybe   
There's a reason to continue    
I didn't notice how colour blind I was becoming until you told me your favourite colour    
I see it in everything I look at;   
I see you everywhere you're not    
And it's kinda hard to look at you sometimes    
I know we have to go through these cold mornings and empty beds sometimes to remember what it's like to be warm and loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	3. Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

**** Get you a girl who collects and binge watches VHS movies that everyone's forgotten about    
Get you a girl who's an artist,

she'll turn your memory into art, immortalized.    
Get you a girl who loves all the seasons,

who collects raindrops on her eyelashes in summer and snow prints on them in winter,

who takes pictures laying against leaves in fall and who braids flowers in her hair in the spring. 

Get you a girl who writes poetry about you,

who turns words into images and feelings,

who uses every inch of her soul, body, and being for her work

who only asks for inspiration in return.

Get you a girl who loves you as much as she loves herself,

who paints the two of you together,

who doesn’t care if it gets messy,

who connects the dots like freckles and constellations,

who sees your beauty.   
Get you a girl who makes your heart flutter, 

who makes your stomach drop like you're at the top of a rollercoaster,

who takes you on adventures without ever leaving the house.    
Be wary of her. 

She'll steal your heart and use it as a Christmas decoration next to all the others.

She'll throw it at the wall to shatter it just as easily as she'll bandage it up and put it in a shoebox of lost memories under her bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	4. 10 Reasons Why We'd Never Work Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

1:    You’re every girl’s daydream and I’m more of the suffering-artist type.   
 I will keep you up at night to stare at the stars with me and paint them while you sleep in the early morning.

You will keep me up at night with every girl you throw your eyes at.

You will make coffee and flirt while I sleep.

  
2:   You are a Cancer and I am a Sagittarius.   
You say the stars don’t affect us in any way while I stay up all night to paint them.

  
3:   You are perfect and I am a mess.   
You’ve got those perfect blue eyes and the neatly cut blonde hair and I’ve got the blue-gray eyes and whatever hair color I decide on  that week.

  
4:   You are Romeo and I am Rosaline.   
I will survive the play without you.

  
5:   You could break up with me and I wouldn’t even know it until I was 50 miles past you and your new girlfriend on my way to another  state, physically or mentally.

  
6:   Our hand fit perfectly together.   
My head fits perfectly into the crook of your neck.   
This type of perfection will never happen again.

  
7: I drink coffee in the evening and you don’t like coffee.

  
8:   I can’t paint you and you can’t keep me.   
You’re nothing more than a memory.

  
9:    I am a work in progress, and that’s okay.   
You are a finished product, and that’s okay too.

  
10: I love you.   
They say opposites attract, but we were two matches burning brighter together, so when the flame went out, you could feel the cold on  every inch of your body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	5. Australia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

You were as bright as the sun, and I was the moon.

We should never have known each other, but there we were, creating a total eclipse in the middle of the day.

I was a star, and you were a galaxy.

I shouldn't have known you, but I did.

I knew you, and you knew me, and neither of us had any business in it at all.

We never were one for rules.    
So please, let me love you.

Let me fall in love with you, let me hold you and kiss you and let me have all the good and the bad.

Let me wake up to you without makeup,

let me hold you when you cry because you're upset, 

let me give you all of my attention when you're needy and then some, 

let me see what no one else has seen in you before, 

please, 

because I've never wanted to fall in love with someone so badly before.   
You tell me you're going to break my heart, but that's okay. 

I'll love you even with it shattered into three billion pieces, if you'll let me, 

please. 

I know if you break it, god, you're gonna do it beautifully. 

I bet I won't even know it until it's ten years later and I'm crying on the kitchen floor because you've been gone for so long now 

and I just found some food only you would eat because you know how picky I am 

but you insisted that you would eat it but it's been five years 

and it's still in the box but I can't bring myself to get rid of it, 

I can't bring myself to let go of you. 

The bedsheets no longer smell like you 

but I haven't washed the sweater you forgot 

and I can't help but wrap myself in it sometimes when I really miss you, 

and it's hard not to wear it all the time 

because you were the best thing that ever happened to me, 

and I don't know where it all went wrong, 

but I'd given anything to try again because I miss the cute way you smile, 

I miss the way your eyes would light up 

when I did something stupidly romantic for you, 

like the post it notes I wrote everything I liked about you on 

for when you feel sad. 

I wonder if you still look at them, 

or if you're in his arms without a second thought about me. 

You're going to break me so beautifully 

and I'm going to accept it 

because I want to love you for at least a little bit. 

I want to be your everything forever, 

but I wouldn't mind if it was just for awhile. 

You're not one to settle down 

and neither was I 

but you changed me 

and now I don't want anyone

but you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	6. Something I Never Thought I'd Write

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

I'm happy and loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	7. Small Ramblings & My Concept of Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

You're holding me tightly to your chest

like all we need to fix this broken home is tape and hope,

Cracks in my skin like sidewalks and foundations we've built our lives on,

Vodka kiss burns my lips

Because you taste like my last suicide attempt,

Maybe I'm addicted to you,

Maybe I'm addicted to dying,

I’m not sure I know the difference anymore.

Home is where the heart is and 

I don’t know where you are anymore

I told you once,

Baby,

I'm broken and can't be fixed, 

So take your duct tape and pretend I don't exist

But I wasted every 11:11 wish hoping you wouldn’t listen

I skipped stones in your memory,

Burned candles and prayed to Gods I don’t believe in

It’s hard to believe you ever cared now

I never knew if we would work out

But I always hoped we would

I know you regret me 

At least I’m memorable

You broke my heart and it was the colour of your nails,

Your hair, 

Your smile, 

The colour of happiness and heartbreak sit on a thin line.

My heart shattered into all these broken pieces with colours of you and you don’t even recognize them

Maybe if I’m lucky,

one day,

I won’t, either.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	8. Elaboration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

I swear to god if these sheets were states

And the ripples were miles to get to you

I'd take them off and never put them back on 

Because every phone call lasts a lifetime of love

And every hang up is fingers closing around my neck

The only words I can say are,

I love you, sleep well 

I can't tell who this is harder on anymore.

500 miles is too many to count on one hand,

So I have to say you’re much too far away.

If I walked to you,

would you wait for me there?

Every time I feel like giving up I close my eyes

And you slide love notes into my heart

I'm caught on you again and again

Our love is a natural disaster

No-one can survive

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


	9. Attention!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really have been working on these for years. I wanted to save them to officially publish but I need to share part me with the world before I'm no longer part of it. Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.

Your love was a fairytale

I used every 11:11 wish on   
But at the end of the day

fairy tales are just believing in misguided dreams

I thought you were my salvation,

Addicted to your attention,   
I thought I was getting better

but I was just getting boring   
I used to be passionate,

now I'm just medicated   
I can't decide if I'd rather be manic and in love with you again

or never feel the hurt you give me every time you leave    
I'm not some magical person,   
I'm just a kid and you're no one.

I knew you weren’t the one when you told me all my poetry sounded like a panic attack

My poems are space-junk

and you’re no astronaut.

I used to let your name create fireworks in my veins,

If loving you was a wildfire I happily burned for you

But you can’t escape the ocean forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please credit me. Please... Don't let me be forgotten.


	10. The Definition of Disappointment

**** I mistook your passion for all the wrong things

As passion for me,

We’re running out of firsts 

And I can’t remember most of them.


	11. Cliche Stardust and Long Nights

****  
I hate that I still think you're a good person--   
Do you know how many messages I've typed to you but never sent?   
I want to hold your hand   
But you're the sun   
And I'm the moon   
And we could never collide   
And I've had a few bad days in a row now   
Where I just can't remember why I'm still here   
I just keep thinking how stupid it is   
To be breaking down    
Over you.   
You moved on pretty fast for someone who was   
"in love"   
With me.   
I prefer rainfall over sunshine   
And I guess that's why I loved you--   
Every atom in our body   
Was once part of a star--   
So I'm going home   
Because this place has never seemed like home to me.

I’m an alien star from outer space,

And you don’t believe in extraterrestrials 

So I’ll see you in our space-dust heaven,

I’ll see you never,

I’ll see you in hell,

I’ll see you whenever.


	12. Wwhat Haiku?

Is this Deja Vu?

Are you reading this again?

Is this Deja Vu?


	13. Almost Forever and Always

It's almost summer 

And I almost wish I missed you 

You were the boy who almost gave you a summer romance 

And I was the girl who almost gave you everything 

But instead, we gave up. 

You were almost the first great thing to happen to me

I hope you forever regret losing me

Almost finding peace

Forever missing me.

I don't know if I ever loved you at all 

But I think I almost did

But now I’m forever sure

I never did.

I told you I'd wait forever 

If forever is what it takes 

Because you're my forever 

And forever waits 

But when forever 

Only lasts a few days 

Forever isn't the promise 

My 'forever' made. 

Everyone has good and bad days 

But mine feel more like good hours and bad years 

And I can almost count on 

Forever and always being alone and 

I'm starting to believe "almost" is the saddest word in the English language 

Because we almost had something great.


	14. You and My Writing

Last year   
I wrote about you in every   
Sweet way I could   
In every notebook I had   
This year   
You're only mentioned   
In my    
Suicide note

Print your name to the masses

The publication with the date the same

It’ll never bother you anyway.

I’m here without you

I hope that’s all you ever wanted

One day you’ll want me back,

You’ll read all about it in today’s paper

How heartbreak takes another teen

I wonder if you’ll listen when I say

Baby, it’s not your fault,

I’m just a screwed up kid 

I can’t save myself

I guess you couldn’t either.


	15. Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hang in there

There are three types of people in this world:

Suns, moons, and stars   
Sometimes you have to decide who is what   
Sometimes you have to decide which is more important to you   
The farmer values the sun   
The traveller values the moon   
The wanderer values the stars   
The farmer needs the sun for his crops to grow   
The traveller,

With a destination in mind,

Needs the moon to light the way.   
The wanderer goes where the stars tell him   
However,

If you took the moon from the farmer,

The sun would kill his crops.   
If you took the stars from the traveller,

The moon would be bleak and absolute.   
If you took the sun from the wanderer,

They would no longer appreciate the stars.   
Sometimes it's important to be a background character.

You may be a sun,

But not everyone is a farmer.   
But sometimes,   
A wanderer falls in love with the sun,

Knowing it will follow them

No matter where they go.   
The traveller falls in love with the stars,

Knowing without them,

The moon is nothing.   
The farmer falls in love with the moon,

Knowing it saves its crops.   
Sometimes it isn't the person you think it'll be that you fall for.   
Do you fall in love with the stars one at a time,

Or all at once?   
Do you fall in love with the sun ray by ray,

Or all at once?   
Do you fall in love with the moonbeam by beam one by one,

Or all at once?   
Do you think you loved the stars,

The moon,

The sun,

The first time you saw them?   
Or do you think

You realized you loved them

When you knew what they were,

At their core?   
How do you let go of something you love?    
I'm not sure it matters, because   
If I let go of the sun,

It will still rise every day.    
If I let go of the moon,

It will still circle the sky overhead.    
If I let go of the stars,

They will rearrange themselves into their constellations while we sleep,

Like they always have.   
I think that's the worst part of love;

it destroys us on the inside

But we still have to keep going as if nothing’s wrong.   
How am I supposed to keep moving

If the stars no longer guide me,   
The moon no longer lights my way,   
The sun no longer leaves me sunsets and sunrises

Like they were made just for me?    
What do I do when you're nothing but a memory and    
I can't quite remember how you taste?   
I tasted excitement on your lips

And I'm left with hollow promises   
Our heartstrings were tied together   
We sat and played them like a harp for hours,   
I don't think there will ever be anything that beautiful again.   
I was the sun, the moon, the whole damn sky,   
But you were a sailor,   
You loved every bit of me,   
But your true love was always the sea.    
Maybe I just need to find an astronomer,   
To love me for my beautiful stars,   
A geographer,   
To love me from every angle,   
A meteorologist,   
To love my passionate parts,   
An astronaut,   
To finally be next to me,   
And love me all the same,   
Surrounded  by space junk,   
Stars,   
The moon,   
The sun,   
And us,   
Millions of people looking up,   
Telling their lover or no one at all,   
"As long as we're under the same sky,   
I'll love you"   
As long as the universe lasts,   
As long as there's space dust in my veins,   
As long as there are remnants of everyone we were or weren't   
I'll love you,   
I'll love you.   
I love you.


	16. First Love's Last Wish

I know it's been years

Since we talked

But I still wonder

If you’re alright.

You were the first who had my heart

And held it in your hand

Maybe you liked to hurt me because,

You squeezed all the blood out of it

And left me gasping for air,

I called you breathtaking in the worst of ways.

It took two years to move on,

I barely dreamt during them,

Barely slept,

I didn’t know losing sleep was a symptom of losing you,

Well, I still, barely sleep

So maybe it’s a symptom of loving you

That never quite goes away.

Despite the bad you did to me

I wish you well,

Not for old time’s sake,

Not for love,

Not for  karma,

Not for you.

My misery got over you,

My heart got over you,

My mind got over you.

Not every night,

But every once in a while,

I see a shooting star,

And wish for your wellbeing,

Because I know no one else is,

And what a lonely life it must be.


	17. Whatever

Places like this don’t hold me,

I yearn for something more

That I can’t ever find

I can’t stay in one place

For fear it’ll get to know me

I was so excited to start my life

That I didn’t realize it had already ended

I wonder if anyone will ever understand anything

I think there are answers,

Just not here.

I knew I loved you when I saw

That you keep Vodka next to your milk

And it told me more

Than any conversation we’ve ever had has 

You remind  me of when I loved my father

Now I’m not sure how to act around either of you.

I hold my breath when you’re around

Because I love you

and just thinking about your scent

nearly sends me into a panic attack

I never understood why you promised you wouldn’t leave

When we both knew you were lying

Maybe I should be over it 

Maybe you shouldn’t have broken my fucking heart and hid the duct tape

It’s hard to write about you 

because you make me tremble

And my core shakes

like there’s an earthquake inside of me

You made me realize I don’t want to die

I just want something to cling to life for


	18. Asshole

As the days go on

I feel more and more

Exhausted.

I’m so fucking mad at you

For leaving me here all alone

It’s been three years

It should be  nothing now

But you were,

For the longest time,

My definition of love.

I learned the definition of lust

A little too late to save me.

When I put it that way

I guess I understand

Why I’m only attracted to assholes.

They remind me so much of you.


	19. Rest in Peace

August

Aug. 1 - Aug. 31

2015


	20. Whatever, or, sure, cool

Sometimes I wonder

If the words I write mean anything anymore

Because they used to shine like the stars in the sky

But all the stars we see are dead

And I’m worried

The meaning behind my poems are too.

Now I understand why you could never be with me

But could never quite leave, either.


	21. Stay in School

I can’t stand being here

With the kids that throw their tongue

And spit words like fire

With the teachers that pretend not to see

It’s just high school

I feel like I’m drowning,

I can’t breathe,

I’m suffocating loudly,

But everyone pretends it’s silent,

Or maybe I’m drowned out 

By everyone else’s screams

But no one’s listening

Every day it’s the same hell

I live over and over

“You’re just exaggerating-”

If I am,

This hyperbole will kill me 

It’s just three more years it’s just three more years it’s ju

If I drop out I’m nothing

If I stay I’m the freak

If I stay I'm

If I stay

When I go, will it have mattered at all?


	22. God, WHY?

Stay up late to feel numb

So I won’t care

What I look like in the morning

Talking to you is just a plus.

I wonder in dread

Why I even bother to go at all,

If I’m just set up to fail.

My mom says,

It’s just three more years,

But sometimes I wonder

If I’ll even live that long.

God knows I don’t want to.

I can’t think straight

It’s hard to breathe

I want to scream.

I walk the halls and know

As my breathing becomes rapid

And there’s a knot in my stomach

That I can’t do this anymore

I’ll pack my bags and leave

On the way home I’ll stop

Just to tell myself how

I’ll never go anywhere in life.

But I know,

That means it doesn’t matter

If I leave and never come back.


	23. Too, Too Much

He comes home and leaves the door unlocked 

I know this means he won't stay long because

He hasn't stayed in a long time 

He says we need to talk and I guess

I knew this was coming because my mind floods with everything I've done wrong 

He tells me I am too much for one person 

And the scars on my wrists are a story he never wanted to be part of 

And the empty pill bottles tell more about our break up than his words could. 

He asks me if I ever made him happy 

I say I guess so because before him I never have crows feet around my eyes 

He rubs his hands together and asks 

If we were ever in love 

All I can do is look away and tell him

I think one of us was


	24. Destroy What Destroys You

You can't always place the moment your heart breaks 

As if breakups and tragedies are something you can pause like a movie 

As if the world stops for you because you feel hurt

It's hard not to step on the broken pieces of your already fragile heart lying on the floor when it surrounds you 

You've all heard millions of poems about heartbreak and love

But for some reason, we still just don't have it down

We all search for the perfect words to slide into our hearts

As if they'll mend every mistake we've ever made 

As if our pain is something so insignificant

You can talk it out of existence 

There's no magic remedy or concoction of words,

Healing is not a commodity any of us can afford

Father time mends our broken spirits and hearts

But never quite erases the wounds 

Mother earth tells us to be proud of our scars

As if they are vines on an abandoned house,

Nature reclaiming us after the destruction we dealt 

I was never scared you lost feelings for me,

I was scared you lost feelings for ONLY me. 

I know I'm selfish because when I talk to the stars and moon at night

Like thousands of other people do 

I think they're twinkling back at me 

Sufferings a competition we all force ourselves to go through alone

Instead of wondering how we could beat this together 

I hated how you used to hit me because

It was the only time you’d pay me any attention

Maybe I got addicted to the pain

Otherwise, I don’t understand why

I smashed my face against the wall repeatedly

Until it stung like your fist

Only this time,

Instead of bittersweet apologies, 

rough kisses, 

and torn skin against skin

There was just me and my blood smeared wall.

Constellations and thoughts of you die on my lips

So I swallow them back down

Stuck in the graveyard that my heart feels like,

Ribcage the gate everyone’s dying to get into

It’s my suicide to love you,

It’s the death of me to hate you,

Skin against skin burns but it’s not you and me,

It’s just me tearing out my veins in memory of you again

Maybe it’s not your love I need but my own

I’m stuttering around m

Aroun

Around my problems

As if they’re anything but homemade

This is just another late night basement poem

Hidden in a shoebox under my bed

Because I don’t want to break your heart

So you’ll never see me hurt like I used to.

I’ll lay to rest,

My soul yours to keep

Just don’t vandalise my tombstone

When you kill me with every girl you go out with.

I can’t believe I’m sitting here crying over you,

You broke my heart like you wanted a high score in pain games

I used to believe I could live off the carbon dioxide you exhale 

Like you were the birth of a new religion

And I was letting a soft religion die

So that I could worship you

As if you deserved it.

You hurt me and acted like you did me a favour.

Everything I felt was valid

But you left me shaking on the side of the road 

As if this was all my fault. 

You told me to shut the hell up so I bit my tongue

And happily bled for you

They say using “very” is lazy

But oh god I loved you so very much,

So maybe that’s why you messed me up.

Maybe you were supposed to break my heart

So I’d never forget you

But after this poem, you’ll be nothing but a bad dream and a faint scar on my wrist

As if you ever deserved to be either. 

Destruction creates art

And you destroyed me beautifully,

Because damn if my broken heart wasn’t art

I don’t want to feel Van Gogh’s pain

But I’m happy to say

I’m painting a better future without you.


	25. I Deserve Better

I still remember my worst break up 

He left me for another woman and called it mutual

He fucked her and I popped pills in his memory,

I took Xanax with energy drinks and swallowed enough pain killers to kill me but I still didn't sleep for days

When I finally woke up it’d been a month and his last message was him telling me that one day, our atoms will mingle again, and I'll be his then

My stomach was a ship of sailors tying knots across my ribcage, climbing up through my throat as I cursed his name

I am an adrenaline junkie

They say to write about what scares you, and I was always more scared of losing myself than I was of losing him,

That's why I loved him, I was scared of losing myself in him, and I did, oh god, I did 

My ex now sleeps in his exes arms as I lay in a bed I didn't know six months ago

I wish I could find the words to say to let him know that I don't care anymore but I don't like the taste of lies

One day, he asked me if I thought we could have been happy 

I wanted to say yes, oh god, oh my god, yes, but we couldn't have been

I wasn't selfish to want to be happy, I was misguided in thinking he'd be happy with me like I was him

In the end, I felt I'd never be loved and it was all my fault,

The truth is I deserve someone who wants me as much as I want them and he never could have given that to me willingly


	26. You Can't Save Me

You may have made me happy but happy isn't what I want to be 

I just don't want to be me 

So I'll tell you just how I feel when I figure it out 

Until then, slit my wrists and tear my veins out 

Tender tendons to my bone

I'm destroying myself before you get the chance to destroy me

A headache from reading,

A stomach ache from not eating,

You can force me or try

But you can't make it better by wishing 

I used all my shooting stars on you 

I wonder what you used yours on because I'm still destroying myself before you get the chance to destroy me 

I'm still cutting open my tongue and letting my words of love bleed

Still swallowing pills and praying for an OD 

Still waiting for someone to save me

Still waiting for someone to save 

Still waiting for you to save me


	27. Enola

My heart is a planet with a population of one 

You discovered it like a lost city and cultivated it like there was nowhere else to go 

You made me thrive on the inside and I know even with the darkness inside of me, you'll always find a way to make the stars in my veins shine 

You know my body better than I do 

Sliding one finger up my arm, down my chest, around my back as you revive me 

We're loving each other on borrowed time 

Taking kisses on stolen minutes 

We live between the numbers on the clock,

Glaring at us from all sides,

As if it knows,

As if it cares who we are or what we do 

You say I deserve to be happy

If I deserve happiness, then I deserve you 

You're my one good thing and thank god for you


	28. ...The End

If you read this far, I'm sorry you wasted so much time on this pretentious shit.

Thanks though, it really does mean a lot to me.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please credit me. Don't let me be forgotten.


End file.
